Wait...I thought Afghanistan was the Soviet Union’s Vietnam. Now it’s ours? Didn’t we already have one?
Wait...I’m having a deja vu moment. I thought we were out of the COVID woods. We’re not?
Wait...Prince Andrew is cancelled? He has to ride horses and live in palaces the rest of his life? How awful.
Wait...the UN report said that unless immediate, rapid and large-scale action is taken to reduce emissions, the average global temperature is likely to reach or cross a critical warming threshold within 20 years. Shouldn’t we, like, do something?
Wait...so are cryptocurrencies nonsense? Or not? Seems like we should figure that out since the amount of energy used to mine Bitcoin now exceeds the amount of energy used by Sweden.
Wait...they’ve been washing cars and watering the desert to grow almonds in California for decades and now Lake Powell is a wading pool? Seriously, how was anyone expected to see that far into the future?
Wait...so the 2020 Census says the City of Ithaca grew by 2094 people since 2010? If we can just get 8000 more people we can justify all the new units currently being built in town!
Wait...Marjorie Taylor Greene was actually elected to the House of Representatives? By citizens? Are you sure?
Wait...the Jet Propulsion Lab and Cornell University tested the Perseverance rover on Ithaca streets to mimic surface conditions on Mars? I guess that checks out.
Wait...we’ve been printing money like cocaine-fueled counterfeiters, and now we’re experiencing ‘inflationary pressures’? Don’t see the connection.
Wait...so now Florida’s now the most backwards state in the country? Sorry, Mississippi. You’re never going to out-douche Ron DeSantis.
Wait...the My Pillow guy is a bloviating, conspiracy-swallowing, Trump-sucking, laughable-symposium-conducting buffoon? Mind blown...
Wait...I thought Andrew Cuomo was America’s Governor. And didn’t Giuliani used to be America’s Mayor? Or are they still?
Wait...Mark Zuckerberg makes money when Republican politicians run fundraising ads falsely blaming immigrants for COVID?
Wait...so the masks protect OTHER people?
Wait...it’s August 18 already. When exactly is Trump being reinstated? Couldn’t they just announce that? I can move some things around, but a little notice would be nice.
Wait...I saw a sign looking for literally every position from manager to waitstaff in front of the new Milkstand on the corner of Buffalo and Meadow Streets. How is anyone still drawing unemployment?
Wait...so I’ve actually already been vaccinated against a lot of other diseases? How long has this been going on?
Wait...should I be wearing a kevlar vest downtown? Seems like a lot of ‘shots fired’ lately.
Wait...we’re in another surge, but schools are going back to all students full-time? I guess this surge must be different from the last ones...