In a stunning coup, the producers of “Jeopardy” were able to land none other than the president of the United States, Donald Trump, as a surprise contestant on a show taped earlier this year. The other contestants were millionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein and the mayor of Ithaca, New York, Svante Myrick. Due to ensuing events, the show was pulled before it aired, but the Ithaca Times was able to get a page of the transcript of the show.
ALEX TREBEK: You're in control of the board, Mr. President.
DONALD TRUMP: I'll take the American constitution for $100, Alex.
TREBEK: All right, here's your clue: in the United States' constitution, the powers of government are distributed among the judicial, the executive and this third branch of government.
TRUMP: (buzzing in) The president. Wait, it's a trick! There's only one branch.
TREBEK: I'm afraid that's incorrect, sir. (Myrick buzzes in) Mayor Myrick?
SVANTE MYRICK: What is the legislative branch?
TRUMP: That's such fake news! My attorney general told me there's only one.
TREBEK: Please, Mr. President. Svante, you're in control.
MYRICK: Um … I guess I'll take creepy cinema for $400.
TREBEK: Your clue: this Lerner and Loewe song from the 1958 film “Gigi” was sung by Maurice Chevalier.
JEFFREY EPSTEIN: (buzzing in) What is “Thank Heaven For Little Girls?”
TREBEK: That is correct. You now have control of the board.
TRUMP: Jeff, didn't you and I sing that as a duet at that incredible party at Mar-A-Lago in '92? It was tremendous.
MYRICK: I think I'm going to be sick...
As I say, it's only one page, but the whole show will leak out eventually. I'll be morbidly compelled to watch. We live in magical times.